Wednesday, December 21, 2005
i've not slept the whole night. i am losing my appetite. and i don't know anything else to do make myself sleep. i've no sleeping pills.. i'd probably eat a whole bottle of it if i had them.
i keep thinking of him, even when i am in the freaking toilet!! and when i think of him, i'd end up talking to myself. i think i am going crazy....
i admit, and pledge my whole life, that he's the best any girl can have. he gives me such unconditional love, spends almost all of his free time with me when possible, takes care of me, makes sure i've had enough to eat and showers me with his kisses and hugs. he tries his best to be what i want him to be. i am changing him... am i allowed to?? i am not worthy of him... he deserves someone better... someone who can be there for him when he needs her... someone who can definitely take care of him... someone who can support him in any way he needs it to be... someone who will love him back the same he does for her... someone who is beautiful inside and out...
the woman he deserves are what i've mentioned above and i for sure don't have any of it. to be honest, among all the guys that i have dated in my entire life, he's the most focused, sweet, romantic, gentle, mature, selfless and kind guy. do you think i even deserve a guy like this??
you'd probably think i've put him on high pedestal and that it's totally unnecessary but this is what i think of him. he's given me nothing but joy and happiness and i am the one who gives the trouble, the sadness, the disappointments and frustrations.
should i let him go and let him find greener pastures??
should i hold on and let him suffer from my doings??
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