Saturday, December 10, 2005
i can't shake off this feeling that fauzi's a bit different now, especially after his new batch recruits came in last week. just days ago, we actually had an argument on the phone because he said something that's, in my opinion, very rude. he has basically never talked to me like that before. normally, i'd hear a soft and kind voice that never fails to put my heart at ease but now, it just sounds, and feels, different and my heart just would't rest. am i over-reacting?? one thing that made me think that he's possibly changed in a way was how he responded to me saying "i love you so much..". he actually said, "i love you so much too.."!!! he's never ever ever said that before!! he always always always always(i stress this out because it's important!) replies, "i love you so much more...". he's been saying that to me since the very beginning of our relationship and all of a sudden, he says something so similar but yet so disturbingly(to me) different. my heart just won't ease up on the matter that he might have changed. almost all of his current batch of recruits are the wild kind with a dysfunctional life and a whole load tattoos. is he getting influenced by them?? seriously, i am scared that he might have changed. i am totally scared. when my heart is not giving me peace(not even a pinch), it means something big. i think people call it intuition.
please god, let him stay the same. i don't want him to change at all. i cannot deal with loving a person who has changed. it'll break my heart so badly. please, i see this man as the one i plan to marry and be with for the rest of my life.
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