Friday, October 08, 2004
Is it already Friday?? This week sure passed by quite fast and I am glad that it did because I cannot wait to meet Fauzi this Saturday!!! YAY!! Hehehe...
Fauzi and I were talking on the phone just now and he mentioned about signing on to the army for 5 years. For the first time, doubts about us being able to last crept up in me. For one thing, he wants to finish school after army and continue on school at Lasalle before going on working either as a full time musician or PA staff. By the time he's done with every single plan, he'd already be 29 or 30 and so would I. Will we be able to last for the next 10 years before proceeding on to that next level in our relationship? Plus the fact that he is the man of the house(eldest son out of 5 children), he have to contribute effort and money to his family and his pay will also be towards his school fees. Signing on to army will definitely help him a lot in his finance but I wonder where that will put me?? Ok, do I make sense? Sigh, I don't know.
So concerned I was about this that I had to tell him what I thought and felt. It was then he said, "I did think about this while putting you into consideration..". He had already thought even deeper into details with us probably getting married after he finish his NS and army bond as by then, he'd already have more than enough to cover family, school and marriage. In my head, I was like, "My, my... He has planned it further than I thought!!".
But then again, somehow I didn't want to talk about marriage with him any further as I didn't want to jinx our relationship and it made me feel a bit uneasy talking about the future and stuff because of my past experiences. We were already talking about it for a good half hour about the future anyway and that is enough time to talk about something that's unpredictable. We stopped talking about it and told him to go to sleep as it was already way past 'lights out'.
Now I am thinking about what he said and it all actually comes down to money. Every single thing in life on this world needs money. His family needs money, school needs money, living out life daily needs money... Everything needs money!! That is why I am doing my research and plan out his financial needs and wants for present and future use. Maybe figure out a good finance scheme with the bank, map out his financial growth in years to come and most importantly is that he sticks to it. He's got everything to live for, a lot to offer and lots more to gain with his talents. This is just least that I can do to help him.
Ok now, I have always wondered why people see Fauzi in me, no matter in dance, dikir or just plain attitude. His friends mentioned that my "semangat" and way of doing dikir is exactly like Fauzi, saying that I am the Fauzi version in their female dikir group. Another thing is, Fauzi can play different types of musical instruments while I can dance different types of dances. Is that another coincidence?? Sheesh!! Even the way I talk, walk or interact with his friends reminds them of Fauzi. Mamang mentioned once that I represent Fauzi each time he's not around. Hahaha!! I guess what Fauzi said is true. He and I are now labelled as a package. With the mention of Fauzi, I will be thought of also. With the mention of me, Fauzi will be thought of also. Weird, don't you think?
Ok I am talking crap now. I am so sleepy... Look at the time!! SHEESHNESS!! Sorry if this post doesn't make sense at all. Note to self: Never update blog when damn sleepy.... ZZZzzzzz...
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