Friday, October 29, 2004
I MISS MY LARLING SO MUCH!!!! Sigh, I wonder if he's doing fine in the jungle right now....
I keep thinking about Fauzi. Not able to see him is torture enough but not able to hear his voice at all is killing me!! Hmmm, I wonder how I made through 7 days of not talking to him during his previous field camp. What's making me think of him more now?? I guess it must be that everything I do reminds me of him. Just seeing his friends reminds me of him. Or must be the fact that I always think of Fauzi the moment I see Bob and Yanni get so mushy and lovey dovey with each other. Well, seeing them hugging, kissing and 'manja²' each other makes me wish Fauzi is there doing those very same things with me. Cet, must not see them so often. But tough not to see just one of them. Everywhere Bob is, Yanni's there. Everywhere Yanni is, Bob's there. Ok, just thinking of them smooching away is giving me the goosebumps liao. There's only so much of a lovely-dovey-mushy sight a person can take, you know!! Hehehehe...
I had tarian yesterday night and it sure was fun!! Hehehe, I didn't know zapin is that fun!! I'm learning the ropes of traditional malay dance and I'm trying my best to get it in my head. I'm a bit used to modern dance. Just 15 minutes of learning the zapin steps already got me sweating like mad!! But it felt damn good!! I can only hope against hope that I still remember the steps when the next training comes. I'm a little bit hopeless in malay traditional dance. Hehe..
AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHICH SONG TO DANCE TO FOR MY AUDITION!! Craps...
Ah remember telling about a letter Fauzi wrote about me in camp that made me cry?? I got it from him and here goes:
Tidak pernah ku sangka pada satu ketika dahulu aku menyahut laungan sunyi seorang bidadari. Daripada seorang teman, kau telah mencengkam hati terunaku dengan senyum manismu, belaian tanganmu dan kasih sayang ikhlasmu. Kaulah yang bernama Hani...
Kau dengan secara tidak langsungnya menjadi inspirasiku ketika ku menjalani ibadah negaraku. Setiap peluh yang mengalir dan setiap tamparan zahir dan batin yang dipaling kepadaku, wajahmu diminda sentiasa menjadi peneguh semangat kentalku. Setiap malam ku diselebungi kegelapan hutan belantara namun sang bulan mengingatkanku bahawa kau sentiasa berada di jiwaku. Ku sentiasa mengingatkan kembali ketika pertama kali kita bersemuka. Wajahmu ditepi bulan menggambarkan seorang gadis yang ayunya setanding sang bulan, kedua-duanya ciptaan indah Tuhan. Sinaran yang menyinar di air mukamu menambahkan seri yang hanya wujud di segolongan gadis yang di ditabalkan "istimewa".
Sayang,
Rinduku padamu tidak terkira nilainya sehingga airmata mengalir di pipiku. Ia tidak bermakna aku sedih tetapi bersyukur kerana aku dikurniakan kasih sayang seorang gadis sepertimu. Apa yang ku katakan dan lakukan hanyalah untukmu. Percayalah kekasih, kau bertakhta di hatiku buat selama-lamanya. Setiap detik bersamamu akan sentiasa ku hargai dan diabadikan sebagai kenangan manis.
When I heard it from his own mouth, it sounded so beautiful. When I read it, what with the small cute handwriting on that small piece of note, I understood in my heart how he felt when he was writing that letter. I could feel his presense just by touching that piece of note. He has touched my heart so deep. I love him with every single beat of my heart. Oh great, I am missing him even more now. Darn it...
Tomorrow is the 100th day since arwah Azman passed on. Strangely, I've been thinking a lot about him nowadays. Those days of running around, playing catch, pulling prank jokes on each other, will always be in my mind for the rest of my life. I guess, I miss him. I miss his laughter, his large 'goldfish' eyes, his jokes, his 'devil-in-disguise-of-an-angel' persona especially with the teachers... I miss his wide beautiful smile... I miss HIM. He was already showing signs of his strong self since he was a child. That teacher's pet would always get his way and would always manage to melt his teachers' hearts no matter if he is in trouble or not. Hopefully everyone will go to the kenduri tomorrow.
Talking about tomorrow, can you imagine Fauzi can only book out tomorrow at 8pm???? Darn it. How long can I actually spend time with him?? Most probably we'll end up spending every waking moment together again. Not that I mind but I mind about him because I know that he's tired and I don't like it each time I am in the way of his much needed rest. Maybe a good batch of chocolate chip cookies or chocolate sponge cake will ease some of his nerves and tensed body. He seems to have a craving for chocolate and ice cream too nowadays. Well he deserves it anyway. He's lost so much weight!! The meat around his cheeks is nearly gone!! Can't pinch his cheeks anymore. Hmmm, time to fatten him up!! Hehehe.. I should cook for him something nice and juicy. I'll see what I can do with whatever ingredients left in the fridge. Meantime, I need to go and take my nap. My eyes are so tired... Yawnz....
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