Monday, June 21, 2004
oh gosh the intense headache.. it's unbearable!! the coughs and sore throat is not helping at all. i think fever's catching up on me... soon enough, it'll be flu.. my body is breaking down...
if anyone was to be in my shoes right now and was to have gone through wat i went through in just a short period of 2 weeks(which felt like forever!!), they'd either have passed out by now or comatose. i'm surprised i am still wide awake.
in just a matter of 2 weeks, different kinds of situations and people have come upon into my life. people who were termed hypocrites, who have egos the size of the universe, who brings unhappiness to others just to keep themselves happy, etc entered (and still lingers) my life, leaving behind their unwelcome footprint, their troubles as their gift to me.
definitely something i do not deserve but i can only treat it as a test from the Almighty. at least that will make me feel that i am more worthy of living on this beautiful land that He has created. at least that will make me feel that i am more worthy of His Paradise.
"Neither do i deserve Your Paradise nor do i want to be doomed in the fire of Hell..."
what shall become of them, i do not know but i am sure i am not going to repeat their mistakes and my own, during which i was judged mercilessly on just that one mistake. to get to know anyone is easy but to approach it with sincerity and honesty is something a human being rarely do. and so, i made that my life-long mission... to be honest and sincere in whatever that i do or say and never expecting the same from the other.
Iman will be back in Singapore from Sumatra in 6 hours time!!! Goodness, i miss him sooooo much!!! i realised that in his absense, only trouble, danger and evil has been lurking in my life. before he went off to Sumatra, i couldnt have felt more happy, safe and secure. sigh, his existance in my life was cherished even more when i needed to turn to a true fren and the only person who popped into my head was him. i thank God he came into my life and i've been praying everyday that he is far from danger and evil and also praying for his safe return back to me. i cannot wait for his call and messages!! he'll definitely do that the moment he gets home and has his hands on his handphone! at least i think i know him that well! i am definitely excited for his return but sad for i know he will be sad too (and most probably feel guilty too) when he hears about wat happened during the two weeks he was absent from my life. sigh.. this is just a test... a test from God... i should be patient.. i should be strong...