Thursday, April 01, 2004
right now, i am having the time of my life singing my heart out at yan's place. came here straight from sentosa. well let me start from the very beginning aite...
i had dance training yesterday evening at youth park and i had asked Mal out to sentosa cos i had complimentary tickets to sentosa tt expired yesterday. i didnt want to waste the tickets niway. he agreed and so we met after my training and we went straight to sentosa. had to take a bus in and had to walk all the way to palawan beach frm the bus stop, which was quite a long walk. haha. reached 7-11 and bought some food n drinks. i went to the toilet and changed into my bikini top and skirt, the "proper" attire for the beach. he was alrdy in slacker attire so i suppose it was definitely suitable for the beach except for the helmets he was carrying. hahaha...had laffs and interesting conversations on the way to our final destination on a small island across the beach. settled down at a shelter which was brightly lit so we could see everything since everything else out of the shelter were quite dark. that's when the fun just starts. had some pics taken on his digi cam, jokes and sob stories told, had the lights of the shelter suddenly shut off cos it was 12 am, had his hp radio go flat on us right after a good song ended, and then just had fun talking and poking and watsoever the rest of the time. when the sun rose, made our way back out of sentosa n to singapore and then to here where i m now...yan's place.
i must admit i really had fun wit Mal yesterday nite. the conversations we had, the jokes we shared, the songs we sang(in which some were quite corny..hehe), the sharing of thoughts and dreams....i am just so comfortable with this guy that i dont really need to be ashamed around or be reluctant abt this guy. i was never nervous around him since the very first moment. every single moment, there'd always be something that is interesting and new to me. ok fine, i admit i got feelings for dis guy. he may not be interesting in a physical sense but he is more den anything i'd ever looked for. hmm, i shudnt be putting myself up to this kind of risk. after wat happened, i shudnt be trusting guys so easily. i shudnt even be feeling anything for any guy. anyway he and i are just dating. he has not professed anything to me or proposed to me on anything. why shud i be hoping for anything to come out of this?? i'll only be putting myself up for more pain and heartbreak. sigh, it is hard to trust anyone nowadays when even the decent-nonsense looking ppl are manipulative and conniving. but with Mal, i was really moved when he told me that he would like so much to be able to wake up and see my face first thing. i was soo touched by it that i could just cry because seriously no one has ever said such a thing to me. he even told me i was beautiful. no one has ever told i was pretty, let alone beautiful. sigh, i wish i could believe everything he said. i so badly want to believe it. but how do i know whether he is telling the truth and saying it frm his heart? only God knows....i'll never know....never...