Wednesday, April 07, 2004
i just feel like yelling......
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
when i finally get to talk to Mal, i was already in such a fucked up mood that i feel like punching the wall!!! he has already kept me waiting and waiting....n now he wants me to wait some more. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! i am getting so damn frustrated that i can cry right now just to let everything off.... who wouldnt be when i was kept waiting the whole night just for him to log on to d net to talk?? he didnt even bother to msg me that he was at his fren's place n wont be going home that nite. i kept msging him....even my frustration turned to worry when i still hadnt gotten any msgs from him by 3pm. he only msged me around 6pm saying he just woke up. juz how incredibly frustrating can that be?? when he agreed that he'll meet me at the esplanade after he finish class at 10, i was making myself calm down n i wanted to make sure that i wont release my anger at him. after my training, i waited for him....n he only msged me at 9.30pm saying he promised to talk to me in d net cos his mom has warned him abt going home so late the past few days. i was like,"not again?!?!?!?!!!!". not that he offered to fetch me or watsoever. when i reached home, i logged in only to find him, surprise surprise, not there again. i msged him and asked him,"so m i supposed to wait another nite for u?"....he logged on like half hour later saying he just got back...that he was at the coffeeshop eating with his skoolmates cos his mom didnt cook. and i thought,"dis is like another mistake...." ... why couldnt he tell me he went there?? i even told him in msn...."i guess u toking and eating at d coffeeshop got u too bz for u to msg me...or was ur batt flat again??".... frm that point on, i was from boiling to raging inside. that was when we juz started arguing and i wanted to juz log off and get out of the house. i was suddenly logged off frm msn from a busy server and when i got logged on again, he told me that he wanted to go n bathe and den hav some rest to cool down...i was like,"shouldnt i be d one to cool down?? shouldnt i be d one to get some rest???? so i have to wait another nite juz to settle dis damn issue?????" i juz replied to him,"watever...i need to get out"....in which i did...i walked around my area n to try to calm down. somehow it didnt work cos i ended shedding a tear or two. i have never wanted to shed a tear cos of Mal...i had wished Mal was the first guy to not make me cry. but i guess every guy who enters a girl's life will ALWAYS make a girl cry. i just hate it when things get dragged on...i hate it when things tt are supposed to be done are not done. i hate it when ppl say something but do another. i hate it when i cry....i hate it when i m in love....ok wait a minute....m i in love?? in love with Mal?? no....love is too big of a word. cant be. cos if i m, den i guess no wonder i am feeling this way. but i'm not!!!!!!!! I'M NOT!!!! am i??