Thursday, April 08, 2004
i just dont know what to say anymore to him.... i am finally crying tears like a waterfall cos of him...cos what he said hurts so bad.
today is his 20th birthday. we were supposed to meet last night after my training and after his skool but yet again, he couldnt meet cos he had to go out with his mom n family for his bday dinner. i didnt mind that i didnt get to see him last night even tho i had brought along his present cos family is definitely more important den anyone else. what made me start get upset again is when i kept messaging him last night and waited n waited until 3plus am cos tt was when he finally replied asking me to meet him the next day(tt is today) at 9am....sure i tot it was a bit too early but he is d one who made tt plan n he IS the birthday boy. i just went along with it cos he had to meet his fren in d afternoon. sure i was disappointed tt he'd rather spend time wit his frens den me on his bday but hey, his frens were dere in his life way longer den me. wat made me even more fed-up was when i woke up dis morning at 9.30am thinking i was damn late but i didnt find any messages from him. so i messaged him....n waited till 10plus am....n messaged him again....n messaged him again at 11plus am....n guess wat...he just woke up. n when he said that he woke up late cos he was damn tired, i was like,"and i wasnt tired??i was from training yest nite n waited till 3plus am only to get a message to meet u at 9am in d morning n to think i panicked waking up at 9.30am only to have u wake up at only 11plus am. so who's d one who shud be upset?? " .... i just messaged him to not bother about me and tt he can do anything he want since it is his bday. n u noe wat he said??? he said that i am playing a game!! i wonder, if i m playing a game, i wudnt be crying rite now. i wudnt need him rite now. i wudnt be feeling like being in his arms. i wudnt feel like i am falling in love with him. but he thinks i'm playing a game.
i think i'd just rather keep quiet and don bother him now. i'd rather go on being silent and b a mute den keep on ratting about how much he has hurt me from the "many" times he has gone back on his word in juz a period of a few days. no use me say anything. trust has been exploited so many times. i shudnt have trusted him and believed his every single word. hmmm, so is the one playing the game now him or me?? guess what i said previously is right....i only got ME, MYSELF and I...
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