Wednesday, March 31, 2004
still trying to get over what he has done. still trying to accept that i was made a fool, cheated to and lied to. still trying to comprehend that wat happened is not a dream. he must be the most heartless person i have ever known. he wasnt even remorseful for doing wat he did. i can only hope that what goes around, comes around. i pray that he gets what he deserves. before he knew me, he kept complaining saying that no girl will ever like him blah blah blah...and i got to know this straight from the ppl he had complained that to, like Firdaus, Firdaus's mom and Yudy to name a few. and when he finally did get a girl who actually loves him for who he is; who actually accepts him and loves, trusts n believes him wit all of her heart, this is what he go and do. he has missed the only one chance he got to be truly happy and he will never get it again. his great acting and his willingness to do anything to make sure his plan goes on...definitely fooled me completely. i was kept in the dark all thru out the whole time till tt evening i found out everything. how is this going to affect me? it has definitely made me more aware of guys, more reluctant about love and giving my trust, more suspicious of ppl's intentions and motives and to be less naive and gullible on everyone and everything. really wonder how cruel a human can be.
had a very early breakfast yesterday with a guy i got to know from anakmelayu.com...his name is aqhmal. met him at around 5.30am and we rode to al-ameen at hillview. we then made our way to the esplanade and sat down at the waterfront. had a great time contemplating about sunrise, the people who were either jogging or exercising around us and our surroundings. walked around the esplanade all the way to citylink mall. then made our way to marina square, millenia walk and suntec city. sat down at the skygarden and talked some more. made our way back to the esplanade and went to the library in which he juz slept rite bside me while we were watching ballet. hahaha. i got to listen to christina aguilera at the cd player area and chilled out on the sofa near the piano room rite bside the window wit a beautiful view of the river and the office buildings. had fun talking, tickling, poking and making drama. hehehe. finally headed back home in the afternoon in which i swear i wished we didnt have to go back home. i was just having so much fun and laughing away. it was a great feeling for i've not laughed and enjoyed myself like that for a looooooonngg time. the moment i reached home, i juz drifted almost immediately into dreamland. Aqhmal is definitely a great guy to hang out with. he made me forget the nightmare, the pain, the heartache for a while. i really really appreciate him. ok now, i am not saying he and i are going to be an item. for now, i am not going to predict anything or hope for anything. i dont wish to go through another disappointment or watsoever. sure he's a great guy...he is definitely a great catch but like i said, i'd just want things to go with the flow for i do not believe in hope anymore. maybe i dont believe that sincerity and honesty exist anymore. maybe i dont believe in love anymore but maybe there cud b someone out there who can make me believe in all that i stood up for again. maybe...neh....saying maybe is alrdy hoping. i am just going to leave everything to fate, destiny and God.
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