Thursday, March 25, 2004
i feel depressed. i dunno wat came over me yest nite. i just cried and cried and cried like i had never cried before. turned out irwan went home straight after meeting his agent and he didnt even take the initiative to answer my proposition to meet after he meet his agent. i nearly cried when he told me he had just finished bathing at home when i kept msging him asking when he was. right at the point when i really needed to see him; when i needed a shoulder to cry on, he just cudnt b bothered less. when i came back home from d workshop yest, i just felt like i wanted to break down or shout. when i still didnt get any msgs or calls frm him at 12plus am, i called him and i kept calling but no one picked up. in the end, 5 mins later, he called back saying he was asleep. i just had no other choice but to let him get back to sleep. 5 mins later, i tot he was alrdy back to sleep so i msged him saying i was feeling upset n depressed. he called me and asked me wat was wrong. he sure didnt sound happy. he kept asking wat was wrong and i told him i was depressed about everything. he thought that i was feeling like that cos of my period. but i still didnt feel any better cos i realised i couldnt seek emotional comfort from him cos he doesnt understand wat i am feeling. i just dont know who to go to anymore. he wont even try to understand my feelings cos he is too practical in his thoughts. who do i go to for emotional support? who do i go to when i need a shoulder to cry on? maybe there is no one else i can go to except myself.