Monday, March 29, 2004I can't believe I believed
Everything we had would last
So young and naive for me to think
She was from your past
Silly of me to dream of
One day having your kids
Love is so blind
It feels right when it's wrong
I can't believe I fell for your schemes
I'm smarter than that
So dumb and naive to believe that with me
You're a changed man
Foolish of me to compete
When you cheat with loose women
It took me some time but now i moved on
Becuz I realized I got
Me myself and I
That's all I got in the end
That's what I found out
And it ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend
i dont even know where to start. what he did feels as if he had just stabbed me from the back with a sword, right through my heart. i dont even know if i should be laughing or crying. let me start from the top.
i was on my way to dance training at yishun when my godbro, Firdaus, called. he asked me to just call him when i finish training. i told him that he can just come down wherever i am in which he did come down at 9plus pm. when i finished, he, me and Herman went to a nearby block to sit down at a round stone table. that was when i found out what irwan has been doing for the whole entire period of our relationship. he has been lying, cheating and flirting the whole entire time. i didnt even know what to think when Firdaus told me because i just couldnt believe that it was really him that Firdaus is talking about. i trust him so much..so how could he do this to me? i dont even know him anymore when i finally got to my senses that it is possible for him to be doing this. Firdaus also told me that irwan is to meet a girl, Qistina Aishah, in yishun. this girl is actually someone who knew irwan before me but she knows that he is attached. knowing that there is going to be a chance for me to catch him red-handed, i just had to go straight to where he is with her because he told me he was at home eating. but Firdaus had another plan and i had to go along. after much spying and following, me and Firdaus finally ambushed irwan and qistina(qistina's cuz was oso dere) when they were sitting down at a small park btwn two new blocks in yishun. seeing his face when he saw me and Firdaus walking towards them really broke my heart because instead of looking regretful, he was smiling away. he didnt even bother to explain himself. when i asked him y he has been lying to me thru out the whole time i've been with him, he said he has no reason. that was when i got really angry and i nearly shouted at him saying," if you have no reason to lie, y did u even lie then????" all the time, he has been saying all the bad points of me to qistina...about how bad i dress, my childish behaviour and so on and so forth. even qistina said that the way he talks about me to them(qistina n her cuz) is like in a way mengutuk me. from whatever that i found out from qistina, herman and firdaus was just so different from the irwan i know personally. just amazing how i can be fooled around like this unknowingly. is this wat happens everytime someone trusts the other person fully?? i gave him my heart and my soul with full sincerity and honesty. never have i thought he would do this to me. never. i have never doubted him before. for the first time, i gave someone the best of me...all of me...and this is wat happens. are the tears that are flowing down my cheeks now worthy of irwan? i dont think so...so why am i still crying??? ....that's cos i still love him so deeply and i still cannot believe he is so cruel, so devious, so manipulative. i keep thinking that this must be a dream or something. i just dont know what to think anymore....i just can only pray to God to give me the strength i need to overcome this. i only have me, myself and i...
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