Friday, March 26, 2004All alone on a Sunday morning
Outside I see the rain is falling, whoa oh..
Inside I'm slowly dying
But the rain will hide my crying, crying, crying
And you
Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow
Set this place on fire
'Cause I'm tired of your lie
All I needed was a simple "Hello"
But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear me cry
(I) I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure,
My heart never knew such pain
And you, you leave me so confused...
Now I'm all cried out, over you
talked to isham in the afternoon just now. i told him my situation and somehow, he made me feel better. right at the point when i needed someone, there he was....listening and making me laff wit his corny jokes even though he was busy at work. it felt really nice to be able to talk to him again after such a long time. finally someone who understands me and knows how to handle my unpredictable rollercoaster emotions.
as for irwan though, i just donno wat to say about him. he doesnt even try to understand me. this ache in my hearts acts up each time i think of those times i needed him but he was nowhere to be found. sure i know he is busy with work but even when he is not working, does he take the initiative to try n meet me? NOOoooo...he just does his own thing while i wait and wait for him like a stupid fool. take last wednesday as an example. i had asked him out on tt day cos i know it was his off day. he didnt even bother to tell me he went home after meeting the agent..didnt even bother to reply to my messages of asking him out...didnt even bother to just tell me he doesnt want to meet me. and on that wednesday, i was desperate to meet him cos i needed him badly. i needed someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, a pair of arms to seek solace in. one whole day free from work but not even a minute he can donate to me. he can definitely meet the insurance agent but not me. i guess he deemed her more important than me. i think the world of him. i put him in my list of top priorities. i'd forgo dance training just for him. well didnt i cancell my dance training once just to meet him on his off day and give him a surprise of a movie ticket to any movie he want to watch only to be told that he had agreed to work for his fren's brother on tt day as a favour??? the sacrifices i make goes unnoticed but the sacrifices he makes are deeply etched in my mind.
in the beginning, he was so loving, so caring, so sweet. now, i hardly get the attention i need from him, let alone get time from him to let me pour out my feelings to him. i dont feel special anymore. i dont feel that he even needs me. it hurts so much inside....it is tearing me apart. never have i felt such hot tears..never have i felt such pain. oh God, help me...
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