Monday, February 23, 2004
i cant help but think about irwan. i know dat right now he is either sleeping till he wakes up for work...or is already awake getting ready for work. i juz wonder if i had made a bad decision. gosh y do i always go along wit my pms???? sigh, my period is killing me, giving me such painful cramps and making me lose appetite. i've not eaten a proper meal da whole day. well it's oso cos i kept thinking about him. actually, i miss him a lot. my heart aches when i dont even see him for like one day. i'd just think of him right beside me and me in his arms and i swear i cud almost feel the warmth of his hug. dere is never a moment i dont think of him. obviously, i hav put my whole heart and soul into this relationship. for the first time, i never dare to lie to someone....i'd be so honest with him dat dere is basically nothing to keep from him. i love him whole-heartedly and unconditionally dat i've even accepted his pet peeves. i dont even mind when he farts and the smell is unbearable....i dont mind when he just digs his nose right in front of me. i dont mind when i see his room in a total mess as if a hurricane had just made a short visit. i dont mind all that as long i still have him in my life. sure i feel frustrated each and every single time he comments or talks about my attire and me needing to "growing up"....but i do listen and i am changing for him. juz to impress and please him, i am willing to change myself. but i guess like dey say, love is blind...feels right when it's wrong. i felt that this love is right but wrong from other ppl's eyes. so just exactly wats going on? out of all da guys, i gave HIM my whole heart. y did i choose to love him? i guess da relationship went wrong when i told him i love him. i was da first one to tell him dat i love him and he didnt really respond da same way. was dat da first sign i shud taken notice of? sigh, i donno. he did tell me in da beginning dat when he has gotten a job, he most prob will b very busy and mite not even b able to contact me till he is done with his work. that i dont mind. the thing i mind is dat he seems to be shutting himself off from me. sigh...dere is dis one song by B2K...da song's What A Girl Wants....goes like dis:-
Yo..I dont know whats goin on but I do know one thing..you gotta make it right..aight?
Man whats goin on wit you
Why you treat her like ya do
When you know the girl is all about you..tell me
Why you always lose ya head
Should find a betta way to handle it
You need to stop this game befo you mess around and lose
(Im just tryna help you)
What A Girl Wants
What a girl needs
What a girl wants
What a girl needs
A guy to be there for her
What a girl needs
What a girl wants
What a girl needs
What a girl wants
Honesty, Love and a Friend
You always comin down on her(Why?)
using all those foul words(Why?)
When you know that she'll do anything for you...tell me
Why you always lie to her
And doin things she dont deserve
Man if you dont stop then she'll end up leaving you
(Im just tryin to help you..I know what)
What a girl wants
What a girl needs
What a girl wants
What a girl needs
A guy to be there for her
What a girl needs
What a girl wants
What a girl needs
What a girl wants
Honesty, Love and a Friend
You dont know what ya got
Till its gone
And you left
All alone
And she'll be up and out the door
And I'll be right there to say I told you so
No more you had your chance
Take a hike
Shoulda been a man
Now she's gone
All because you were doin wrong
Shoulda listened to me
What a girl wants
What a girl needs
What a girl wants
What a girl needs
A guy that will be there for her
What a girl needs
What a girl wants
What a girl needs
What a girl wants
Is a guy whose gonna be right there for her as a friend and somebody she can talk to
somehow it explains almost exactly what i really need in a relationship....from him....sigh....he doesnt see it....i made a promise to him when he confided me once about his family. i promised him that i will always be there for him whenever he needs someone and i kissed his forehead as a symbolic gesture to live up that promise. but why wont he want to take advantage of dat promise?? why wont he come to me instead of keeping quiet or going down to the coffeeshop and talk about it to the others? seriously, i dont even know where i stand in his life. i'm not even sure i am important to him. that is how insecure i feel...and that's how unstable this relationship is...or shud i say WAS? i juz donno wat else to say or do....he'll nvr listen to me...and he wont take the initiative to do anything to make it better. he just ignores and go around as if nothing has happened. i'm fed up with his ignorance....i'm no statue. if all he wants in a relationship is just committment, he can just buy himself a barbie doll and he can get a lifetime committment. to him the committment thing is just be loyal and seriousness... other than that, he wont provide it i suppose. sigh, i donno lah!!!!! AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!