Wednesday, December 03, 2003
i am just feeling so damn pathetic and useless today. for so long i have been feeling lonely but i shrug it off as i thought i have my frens ard me to keep me company. but the more i see my friends getting hooked up wit their partners and turning up me as the only one without someone whom i like or who likes me.....it sounds really fucked up. i dont mind the thing about me not liking anyone but the fact that no one actually likes me really bugs me! am i dat unattractive? am i dat ugly? my self-confidence is brought lower as my fren(who had just broken up with her bf juz recently) tells me she is making out wit someone whom she likes and vice versa and i admit the guy is a really good looking guy. when is the time i can have someone whom i am proud to show off to my friends?? someone who can take care of me and pamper me?? most importantly someone who can love me for who i am and doesnt care about what other people say?? sigh.....who can even bother about me??? i miss the intimacy of hugs...the comfort of my head on his chest....the warmth he gives when his arms wrap tightly around me.....the security i feel when he protects me with his hands around my waist. i see all those close and near to me and they all have their pillar of support....their partners....their gf or bf except me. today i am at one of the most lowest points of my emotions and i have no one to go to. who can i trust nowadays with my deepest thoughts and feelings? to everyone else it seems, relationships are not taken seriously. it is just a game to them to see just how easy they can attract someone. how about the feelings and effort put in to building a relationship?? what has happened to the seriousness of that???*is seriousness even a word???sigh i donno lah!* who can fill me up?? who can satisfy this thirst of mine for companionship and risk opening up their mind and heart? who can give me intimacy so sacred so pure that even a hug will bring me to the skies above?? most importantly is dat person willing to let himself be brought to the skies with that simple but yet comforting fulfilling hug? well cmon, just who is willing to put in that kind of effort nowadays when they are so busy with other stuff like career and money? dey say behind a successful man is a woman....to me, behind a fulfilled woman is a understanding gentleman. do you think that even makes sense? i dont know....nothing makes much sense to me nowadays anyway...
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