Friday, December 26, 2003
christmas was sure a damn memorable day for me, yam n da rest of da gang who went to jb just now. we looked for stickers, we got lost(cos of it, got a little roadtrip around jb!), had loads of laff, had their time to race, me falling wit da bike going over my foot.....sigh....i had plans to cut my hair but somehow too much time was lost when we got...erm....lost! well ijat is to blame for it!! he is da supposed tour guide....BAH!!!! useless tour guide. haha! ah damn, my foot is hurting man!! i cant believe i sprained it n to top it off, da bike went over it. stupid me for trying to kick start yan's bike n also da ground was not level n my slippers were slippery...ah well it's still totally my fault. n i feel so bad for wat happened to his bike. some scratches on da side ferring and his footrest is now not rly a footrest. ijat fixed it tho but he kept laughing at me when i try to walk. dat ungrateful ingrate. when he got into an accident, i didnt laff at him at all n when i hav an injury dat happens rite in front of him, he laffs like nobody's business....like as if my feelings doesnt matter at all. damn him. n both elfie and in say dat im heavy!!!! am i heavy??? i am like 55 kg but in say it feels like 70kg!!!! time to go to da gym!!! ok once my foot has healed, im goin to da gym n goin tanning like nobody's business!!! i don care....my body is out of shape n i need to tan to get rid of these bug bite marks....it looks as if i got aids or something!!! makes me feel so depressed....i treasure my skin so much. damn those bugs.....damn u!!! only slept for a few hours juz now. don even noe y i woke up all of a sudden but when i woke, i kept thinking of my body, my hair, my health, my life....it seems as if i might as well die!! seriously, i don even see my future. ever since i lost sham, i've lost all inspiration n motivation. he had been my one n only support throughout the important years of my life. i know i still have him as a fren but i wish for him to be more den dat cos...i need him to b more den dat. but den, i know we will nvr get back together. i know his true self like da back of my hand. i actually find myself as pathetic. i depend on others for motivation. but seriously i cannot help it. i can never ever find inspiration from myself and i can nvr ever push myself forward. this is when sham would always come in but he is not mine anymore. where can i find someone who can make me feel like i want to be a better person like how sham made me feel? sadly, that all depends on me....da person can be da nicest of all people but if he turns out to b weaker den me, i cannot depend on him. i pray so much that someone will come into my life n ignite the spark in me dat died 6 months ago....to push me forward not by talking but with his actions. i know that i'll always b eternally grateful to sham for his trust n belief in me. i had succeeded a lot in life cos of him. hmmmm......how did i talk frm abt yest to sham?? hhahaha...weird....
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