Tuesday, September 09, 2003
been nearly a week now since i had posted anything in here. a lot has happened since. mostly they are bad news, including about my health, sanity and the people that i love and care for. sigh, what do i do with this life of mine? everything at this point is going so wrong. i am so confused, upset, sad, frightened.....all in one. i seriously dont know how to put down whatever that has happened to me in the past week in here. the main feeling i get is that i am frightened of what will happen to me. i have pulled in someone i care for into this matter and i am feeling so sorry inside for doing that to him. i dont know how he feels now towards me. i dont know whether his picture of me has changed now after what has happened. oh god, why is this happening? i am having such a headache now just from thinking about it so much. but i seriously cannot help it. i wish for it to stop running through my head but it wont listen. ARGH!!! how do i even tell the people close to me about such things????????? they might change their thinking of me and who knows, not even wish to talk to me or see me. i seriously feel as if my life is going down the drain at the moment. i do have people i can talk to but i wish to just let go and not get any advice or whatsoever back until i am done and feeling better. i guess this is what the blog is for but then the blog wont really help because it cant help me with my problems. sigh i am just giving myself problems now. seriously how did my life end up like this??? i feel so alone at this part of my life...so so lonely. who can i turn to? who will give me the support i need?? do you know that i feel as if i am loving someone who doesnt really exist?? we dont even talk. we only met once and i had let him get the best of me....my heart. damn it man damn it!!!
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