Tuesday, August 26, 2003
there is this guy i am in love with. i didnt realise i was until recently. i guess after my break up, i was afraid to fall in love. when i first met him, i thought that the meeting was just going to turn out a disaster. he gave me the impression that he is proud and cocky in a way. the way he talked, whatever he talked about.....somehow captured my attention though. we were sitting around my favourite place. we were practically wrestling each other down just to see who wins. the more we wrestled, the more we had fun and the more we got comfortable with each other. at one point, he kissed me and i couldnt hold back but to kiss him back. from then on, we were acting like a couple. in a long time since, he has been the only one to unleash feelings in me i thought i have lost after breaking up with my ex-bf. sure i felt as if my feelings were strong but i thought it was just me having fun with a guy. when i got home in the morning after our date, i felt so happy inside....the first time i felt like that in a long time. a couple of weeks later, i got to know that his ex wanted to go back to him. i was so heartbroken i nearly cried in front of my cousin. then he told me that he doesnt want to go back to his ex but he also dont want to go into another relationship just yet. he asked if i could wait. i told him that i will if my feelings are true for him. in the weeks that went, i realise that i cannot stand being apart from him. i was always thinking of him and the thought of him with his ex made me want to cry inside. last week, he told me that he has been trying to leave his love for me behind. at that time, i felt so heartbroken because i had realised by that time that i love him so much. i dont know him much.....but he made me fall in love with him so hard that it is hard to accept at that moment. just now, i sent him a msg saying i will always wait for him to come to me and not to disappoint me. he replied back saying he wishes to be alone for the meantime and told me not to wait for him. i cried the instant i finished reading it. it was such heartache. is this how love should be? i am not even clear how he truly feels for me. i miss him terribly and i wish i am in his arms. what is love?? sigh....
.jpg)