Tuesday, August 26, 2003
all throughout the whole day, all i can think about is the guy. he filled up my mind, my soul, my heart but i cannot do anything about it. a friend of mine called just now and he asked me what was bothering me. i wanted to say it but nothing could come out of my mouth. all that came out were tears. i seriously didnt know how i could tell my friend what i was feeling or what i was thinking. sometimes love makes u braindead and a mute. it makes u feel like you cant think and cant speak. how do u express your feelings to someone when you are the one feeling it not the other person?? feelings are such complicated matters. i thought it was going to be tough for me to fall in love again after my ex. i admit that i was deeply in love with my ex and what happened to us did make me think differently of love. somehow i didnt expect to fall in love even harder than before. just how does someone define love? if someone is deprived of love, does dat make the person cold and heartless in a way?? for that i wouldnt know. i sometimes hate being in love because of the fact that it makes me vulnerable and soft. i hate feeling that way especially when i know that i cannot be with that person. it makes it all the more tougher for me to deny all that i am feeling inside. how did i turn out like this? i guess i still have loads more to learn about myself. i thought i was strong enough to stop myself from falling in love with anyone. i know i am not ready for love and relationships. i can handle the relationship part but it is the feelings i cannot deny. ARGH!! all i think about is him......how did all this happen?? love creeps up on u and catches u off guard. i hate it. i hate LOVE!!
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